I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
