I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
