what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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