He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
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Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
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You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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