I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
