Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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