remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
