first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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