I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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