I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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