I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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