Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
