Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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