So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
