I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
