Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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