She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
