Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
