i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
