Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
