yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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