i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
