Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
