I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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