Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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