ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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