I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I smell like Dick and happiness
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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