hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
