I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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