soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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