I wanna bring you to show and tell
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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