u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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