i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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