My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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