Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
