um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
