I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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