New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
