you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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