I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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