my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I cut my penus on the lid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
