Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize