i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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