Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
