"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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