I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
