I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
