it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
