Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
