Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
