Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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