I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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