So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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