I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
