I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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