She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
