I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
