I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
