I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
