You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
