Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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