I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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